Network PPV Reviews #004: No Way Out 2004

Coming from the famous Cow Palace in San Francisco, this SmackDown pay per view is very much remembered as a one match show, and the marketing is based almost entirely around Eddie Guerrero (the wanted poster is a lovely touch), who’ll be taking on Brock Lesnar for the WWE Championship in the main event. A video package sells this nicely. It’s based around Eddie’s return after he cleaned himself up. “You’ve overcome your demons, then come face to face with the biggest demon of them all,” Lesnar says. It’s a decent line! Paul Heyman is the SmackDown general manager so can’t fulfil his advocate role. 

The PPV starts with Sable and Torrie Wilson taking to the ring. The pair have posed for Playboy, Tazz and Michael Cole whoop from commentary. Cole also tells us that the crowd are arriving late. Sable tells the early attendees it’s their “chance to enjoy us”. “When it comes to entertaining you, there isn’t anything the smackdown superstars will not do,” Torrie says. Sable then basically says the same again. All of the on screen title cards are in Comic Sans. 

Tag Team Championship: The Basham Brothers & Shaniqua vs Too Cool(c)

Talk about starting a show off cold. The Bashams attacked Scotty and Rikishi (who I’d have guessed had left for pastures new by now), hence the match. No reaction to the challengers, naturally. Scotty and Danny Basham start off, though the brothers are interchangeable and Cole immediately gets it wrong. Danny overpowers Scotty. Rikishi tags in - he’s pretty over. He shrugs off a sunset flip and a few hip tosses. Rikishi chucks Shaniqua into the ring and sets up the stinkface. The crowd are well into the bits where the woman gets hurt. It’s broken up by Doug but Rikishi keeps on the offence. I’ve heard Rikishi wasn’t always too willing to do business and that’s the case here.

Scotty comes in and hypes up The Worm, but Shaniqua clotheslines him for a bit of heat. Whichever Basham’s in the ring hits a slingshot suplex and tags Shaniqua in. She bodyslams Scotty - she’s much more charismatic than her bald pals. Scotty chokes her, which isn’t a great look. Danny comes back in pretty quickly. The heat builds on Scotty for a bit. Shaniqua powerbombs and backdrops him, but Scotty at last gets the tag. He dismantles the baldies, leaving him with Shaniqua. He has no interest in selling for her. He goes again for the stinkface but is powerbombed off the turnbuckle by the brothers. She pins Rikishi but he powers out. Finally he hits a Samoan drop and a banzai drop for the win. The ref has to move her hand a bit as it’s clearly under the rope. 

Verdict: It keeps moving for the most part but no one really cared other than seeing Rikishi hurting Shaniqua, which doesn’t leave the greatest taste *½ 

The folding chairs have Eddie’s face on them - classy stuff. We get a package for Jamie Noble vs Nidia. The schtick is the pair of them are white trash. Noble’s been splashing his cash. Nidia has been blinded by Tajiri’s black mist after he used her as a human shield. “If I’d had any sense I’d have dumped you as soon as you got blind” Noble says. She shreds a mink coat he bought for her which is a strange visual. He’ll be blindfolded for the match. OK.

Jamie Noble vs Nidia

“A boyfriend vs girlfriend blindfold match” per the announcer. It’s strange to have two matches involving men hitting women in a row. Noble puts a blindfold hood on. Nidia ducks his charge and slaps him. She trips him and hits a dropkick. She makes noise to lure him in then kicks him up the arse. It’s really not bad stuff. Noble tells the crowd to quiet down so he can find her. Nidia’s cornered but Noble gives up for some reason. He gets pantsed and receives a bulldog. He hooks a leg but she counters with a headscissors and dumps him outside. Another kick up the arse. Noble tantrums. Nidia crouches behind him and he trips over.

Just as it’s probably run its course, Nidia gets too close and is snared by Noble. He grabs her by the hair quite a bit too hard. She gets a drop toe hold then goes to the top rope. Noble lifts his hood to sneak a peek. He locks in a dragon sleeper. She taps out then fades to unconsciousness.

Verdict: It’s an odd ending given I don’t think Noble’s exactly going on to do much but the pair really made the most of that stupid gimmick. Quite a lot of fun which the crowd mildly bought into. **½ 

A recap video sets up a match later: Kurt Angle has been attacked one of his two opponents, Big Show or John Cena. Angle’s at the peak of his powers. He’s interviewed by Josh Matthews in a turtleneck, earrings, two leather wristbands, and frosted tips. Cena shows up in his Doctor of Thuganomics gimmick. It’s pretty over, but the voice Cena speaks in is bonkers. Cena tells Angle that, if he were the attacker, he’d have done so to the man’s face, but then he slaps him without any warning.

Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Hass vs APA

This could potentially be pretty decent. A recap video sees Bradshaw selling a surprising amount for Shelton Benjamin. Bradshaw’s just about to reinvent himself to great success as JBL, while Farooq is on the verge of retirement. Nevertheless, they’re the most over act thus far. Benjamin and Farooq start off with some mat wrestling, which the latter breaks with a knee to the gut. Bradshaw tags in for a shoulder tackle and neckbreaker. Haas comes in as Bradshaw sells an injured arm. The early goings of the match see the younger team work Bradshaw’s arm, double teaming behind the ref’s back. It’s all smart, functional tag team stuff. 

Bradshaw gets out to recover as Haas and Benjamin continue to work over Farooq with their more modern, technical style. Taz calls a fujiwara arm bar, which I didn’t expect to be hearing in 2004. Farooq finally catches Haas with a spinebuster and tags in Bradshaw, who hits a big boot and a power slam on Benjamin. He does an “x marks the spot” powerbomb which I don’t remember - it’s a nice little flourish where he traces an X in the air. Haas breaks the pin with great timing. Bradshaw hits a fallaway slam from the top and a clothesline from hell, but a Benjamin superkick puts him down for the three.

Verdict: Good fun, non-stop pace, generous work all round and a big win for the younger lads. ***

Goldberg enters the crowd to a thunderous pop. He’s looking uncommonly cool. We get a package surrounding the enmity between him and Brock Lesnar, two big fast lads with similar backgrounds. This will all culminate in both blokes leaving the company after a terrible WrestleMania match. 

Heyman enters to cut a promo. I think there’s an argument to be made that Heyman’s the best talker in wrestling history. Goldberg does some kissy kisses at Heyman, who welcomes Brock to the ring. Goldberg’s wearing a shirt advertising some daft film where he plays an evil Santa. Lesnar invites Golberg into the ring. He says “Stone Cold Steve Austin” about six times in 20 seconds. He calls Goldberg a “bitch” which as always is the final straw. Goldberg’s shirt has a very obvious tear at the collar and unsurprisingly he rips it off. Lesnar rushes Goldberg, who gets the upper hand with a great jackhammer as Heyman calls security. Four old chaps mooch down to the ring. They’ve got guns. Don’t send the security guards with guns! Goldberg goes willingly to his credit. It’d be nice to have a definitive guide to what will and won’t get you arrested in wrestling. 

Hardcore Holly rushes the ring. Brock broke his neck in real life leading to Holly being given a title match at the Royal Rumble. It’s surprising he’s still in Brock’s orbit, given that was clearly a make-good payday on the part of the company. Lesnar sells his bashed up ribs as he makes his exit - it’s smart stuff, getting all Brock’s excuses in order for the main event. 

Hardcore Holly vs Rhyno

Holly rushes Rhyno as he enters. It feels like Hardcore’s gone into business for himself, stealing as much spotlight as possible. We’re told on comms that the two detest each other as they work a series of wristlocks and headlocks. What a blood feud! Holly keeps a headlock on for a while before Rhyno finally punches out of it. They scrap on the apron. Rhyno tosses Holly into a corner and spears him. That’s Rhyno’s finisher, just executed in the corner - it’s not really clear why that would be less devastating. Holly kicks at 2. There’s not a lot of heat here. A body scissors from Rhyno allows the lads to rest a bit more. Holly eventually rolls out of it but Rhyno works the gut, suplexes Holly and dumps him on the ropes.

Rhyno grasps for some heat by spitting on Holly but no one really cares. Holly ducks a punch and hits a back suplex, but Rhyno’s up first. “The abdomen is the middle of your body” says Taz. Rhyno stomps Holly in the corner; Hardcore comes bursting out for a clothesline and a double down. We check in on the Spanish commentators because this is boring. Holly goes up top but is caught by Rhyno. A superplex draws a close 2. You can really see people milling about in the background of the hard cam. Rhyno hits a nice spinebuster and calls for the gore - everyone’s up for that but Holly rolls out. He beats the count at the last. Holly hits the Alabama slam and that’s your lot. 

Verdict: Workmanlike at best in front of an unengaged crowd. The commentators try to put it over as a heated feud but there are a hell of a lot of rest holds. *½ 

We get a shot of Alcatraz to hammer home the No Way Out theme before a package for Chavo Guerrero vs Rey Mysterio. Chavo’s turned on Eddie for some reason. Chavo’s dad - Eddie’s brother - is involved for some reason. He’s billed as Chavo Classic and is great fun in general. Rey’s appeared in some music video for some reason. He’s pals with Jorge Páez, who per Wiki is an actor, circus performer, and boxer. 

Then we get a trailer for The Undertaker, who is returning in his dead man guise at WrestleMania XX. I’d have done the ‘Taker bit before the package hyping the next match, but that’s just me. 

Cruiserweight Championship: Chavo Guerrero vs Rey Mysterio (c)

Chavo doesn’t get a great deal of heat. He’s always at least decent in the ring but never seems to quite connect. A big pop for Rey, who springs out of his trapdoor. Some nice chain wrestling to start off. Rey comes out on top to the crowd’s delight, but Chavo eventually hits a snapmare and tries to wrench Rey’s mask off. Always with the mask. Chavo is knocked to the apron and has a hug with dad. Chavo slaps Rey which fires him up. Rey hits a nice head scissors and rolls Chavo up. Chavo bungs Rey up in the air and hits a basement dropkick for two. He builds heat with his strength. Eventually Rey lands on his feet out of a suplex and hangs Chavo for the 619 but dad gets in the way. Jorges confronts Chavo classic. He winds up a right then socks him with his left - that’s great. Jorges is sent to the back. He makes a right show of it. He’s great fun. Rey springboard splashes Chavo on the outside. A springboard leg drop back inside for the two. 

Chavo rushes Rey in a corner but is tripped and faceplants. They continue to scrap in the corner. Chavo hits a nice avalanche gut buster and continues to work the ribs as the match picks up real pace. He puts an abdominal stretch on Rey which looks unusually good, then a single leg crab. He goes for a series of pins - eventually Rey bridges out and they work some nice fast lucha stuff. The counters come thick and fast, Rey escaping a press slam into a spinning heel kick. They exchange strikes after a double down, then Rey does a leg sweep a la Jeff Jarret. Rey continues to use his speed until Chavo hits a falcon arrow for a two. Chavo snatches at the mask on the top but Rey fights out and lands a lovely moonsault. Chavo breaks the pin with a leg under the rope. Chavo gets a two from a Gory bomb. Rey hits a 619 then goes for a senton, but Chavo rolls through into another single leg crab. Rey kicks out at long last and climbs the ropes - but the dastardly Chavo Classic pushes him off! Chavo capitalises and rolls him up for the win and the belt. 

Verdict: A lot of fun as expected, Chavo certainly holding his own against a near-peak Rey. Well paced, just enough shenanigans, folds into a larger story with Chavo’s enmity with uncle Eddie. ***½ 

Chavo’s interviewed by Josh Matthews. He boasts a bit and slags off Eddie. “You know what losers win? They don’t win nothin’!” says Chavo. We get some stats about our participants in the WWE Championship number one contender match. Surprisingly (to me anyway), Kurt Angle is apparently taller than John Cena (but smaller than Big Show). 

Kurt Angle vs Big Show vs John Cena

Angle gets a good pop along with the usual “you suck” chant. I find it completely charming, the fans chanting “you suck” in a well meaning fashion to a dude who’s surely the best ever. Big Show has a handlebar ‘tache and a hairy chest. Not a great look. Cena, who’s a totally fresh act, probably gets the biggest pop. He’s going to do a rap. It’s so funny they have to turn down the music so he doesn’t have to rap on a beat. A joke about Angle being gay. A joke about Angle wanking. A joke about Big Show stinking. Cena calls his opponents bitches. He says they can swing on his cock. He’s not ridiculously hench here - possibly drug free Cena. 

Big Show manhandles Angle while Cena reacts in amusing fashion. Angle and Cena argue, then Cena takes on Show while Angle watches and reacts. Finally Cena and Angle lock horns. Big Show can't be bothered reacting. Cena’s lobbed outside while Show clobbers Angle, shrugging off the Olympian’s offence. Cena returns and eats headbutts of his own. Angle tries to German suplex Show off the apron. Angle sells this so well, he looks like he’s trying desperately to murder Big Show. I think he says “kiss my ass you motherfucker” because the sound dips twice. Angle bungs Cena back in for a two. He batters Cena, who fires up with a blue thunder bomb of sorts. Big Show’s prevented from coming back in by Cena, who takes three German suplexes from Angle for his troubles. Big Show comes back in for more chops and a huge stalling suplex on Cena. Cena kicks and takes out Show’s leg, then pumps up his trainers. I forgot he did that, it’s a nice visual.

As things speed up, Cena effortlessly hoists Show for an FU. Impressive stuff. Show’s foot is under the rope. Angle chucks Cena out and hits the Angle slam on Show, who kicks at two. Strange choice - surely Big Show’s the expendable man here and he’s just taken two finishers. Kurt drops the straps. He cinches the ankle lock on Cena and then Big Show, who really sells it. Show rolls and kicks Kurt off - Cena spinebusters him, which I don’t associate with Cena. He hits the five knuckle shuffle and lifts Angle, but Show knocks his dodgy knee then chucks him into the turnbuckle. Kurt Angle slams Big Show over the top - a hellacious looking spot. He takes out Cena’s knee once more and sticks on the ankle lock. Cena taps! He wouldn’t be doing a lot of that going forward. 

Verdict: Enjoyed that a lot. It’s very WWE triple threat, i.e. only two people in at any given time, but they all mesh well and the pace is relentless. ***½ 

WWE Championship - Eddie Guerrero vs Brock Lesnar(c)

Brock comes out first. He prowls the ring. I get the impression he actually liked Eddie, which adds up when you watch the work he puts in here. A mega pop as Eddie vibes his way to the ring. He’s one of a tiny handful of genuinely cool wrestlers. I love a properly partisan crowd, and the shot of the five fans holding up the letters E D D I E is an iconic one. Brock really sells it by looking pissed off as Eddie approaches. The vibe’s bang on. Brock knows he’s bigger and badder but Eddie just will not be cowed. Lesnar bulls Eddie into the corner, stomps him, hits an enormous backdrop. Eddie fires back a few times, but each flurry is quickly stopped with one knee to the gut.

Eddie goes for a headscissors but Lesnar reverses with a slightly scary powerbomb, then a few belly to belly suplexes. Guerrero’s gassed as Brock hits a huge knee to the jaw in the corner. Lesnar never takes his eye off his man - I wonder if that’s a holdover from the actual combat sport the guy had done to this point. Another knee crumples Eddie; a third suplex sends him out of the ring. Brock the bully won’t even let him back in, knocking him off the apron twice. Eddie finally hangs Lesnar up on the top rope, then cracks Lesnar’s knee against the ring post a few times. Brock sells big time. Eddie breaks the count to continue the offence - this time Brock waits for Eddie to grab his leg, then pulls him face first into the post. Nice stuff. 

Brock with a delayed fisherman’s buster, then a chokehold. Eddie elbows his way out and tries to lift the pace, but Lesnar hoists him for a gorilla press. Guerrero just can’t get going. Brock shoulder tackles Eddie’s battered ribs in each corner. He sells the injured knee throughout - exemplary stuff. He goes for another high knee, Eddie ducks and Brock spills to the outside, damaging his knee further. A springboard to the outside wipes Brock out. Eddie hits a back suplex and again tries to speed up, but Brock flapjacks him onto the ropes. He springs off like crazy. Eddie’s kickouts are getting desperate. Brock jaws off a little but he’s caught in an STF. The crowd erupts. When Brock grapples out, Eddie smashes his knee on the mat. Eddie keeps his distance as Brock swipes for him like a wounded animal. Eddie goes for the figure four, and Brock fights it at length. That’s great realism there, you don't see someone fight off a hold at that length too often. Brock hurls Eddie with another belly to belly but continues to sell the knee, and Eddie manages a head scissors into another figure four, this time successfully. Lesnar drags the pair of them to the roles.

Eddie keeps targeting the knee, but Brock uses that explosive pace to catch Guerrero with a German suplex and a spinebuster. He latches on a weird submission. Eddie manages to drop Brock on the turnbuckle. He goes for a top rope dropkick - Brock crumples, Eddie crashes and burns. Brock lifts Eddie for a suplex, putting all his weight on his good leg - it’s perfect stuff. His nose is bust as he shouts “Die, Eddie, just die.” Brock squeezes at Eddie’s ribs. There are some chants that sound like “boring” but I think it’s just the “Goldberg” chants that have come intermittently - a bit weird either way, but the former would be mad. Eddie powers up to get the crowd back onside, but another knee to the gut ends the flurry. Brock misses a corner splash, Eddie hits the three amigos. He goes up top, but Brock rolls out from the frog splash. The F5 leads to a ref bump. Brock gets the visible three count - they surely didn’t know he was leaving at this point because he’s protected heavy here. 

Brock fetches the belt - but Goldberg appears, to the crowd’s delight! He spears Lesnar. Eddie covers for a slow three count. Brock kicks out. Eddie schemes - he’s so good at portraying the devilish thoughts going through his head - and nabs the belt but Brock ducks and snatches Eddie for the F5. Eddie wriggles out and DDTs Brock onto the belt (actually nearish the belt). One frog splash later and we have a new champion!

Verdict: It really is an exceptional match. I know a lot of people rate this as an all time favourite - it’s pure feel good stuff, and to my mind the template for Brock’s later matches with smaller guys. As much as Eddie’s the sentimental favourite, Lesnar’s selling and aura makes this what it is. *****

Eddie leaps into the crowd. He hugs his mum and poses with a California flag. Then he’s off out of there, surprisingly. You’d think he’d stick around and celebrate in the ring. We’re left with Brock sulking, so the focus is still on the big man, who’d be gone from the company within a few months. 

Overall verdict: You’d be within your rights to call it a one match show and you wouldn’t lose too much sleep if you didn’t watch anything else on here - still, the triple threat and cruiserweight bouts are good, and I was surprised how much I got out of the stupid blindfold match. B